5.4

Journal,

So Dory told me I was too mean to Joelle.  Apparently they’re friends?  No idea when that happened.

So I texted Joelle.

sorry i was so rude. i’d like to apologize. i work at 3pm today, i’ll be home all day before then

I was not expecting what I saw when I came back from my jog.

THERE YOU ARE!  DIESEL MICHAEL, I’VE BEEN WAITING OUT HERE FOR 30 MINUTES!  YOUR MOTHER WON’T LET ME IN!

Holy shit Joelle, are you pregnant?

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WHY DOES THAT MATTER?  YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN BEING IN MY LIFE!  Let me calm down, I’m sorry for yelling. *deep breath*  Yes you fucking idiot, I’m obviously pregnant.  I’m like…60% sure it’s not yours.  Even if it is, I’d never let you near it…him…her.  Whatever it is.  You aren’t fit to be a parent.  I’ll have Ryleigh’s help…you’ll have no one.  Anyway.  I didn’t come here to fight.  I came here to let you know that I don’t need an apology from you Diesel.

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We were young and we weren’t nice to each other.  I know you kept me around as a piece of ass and you made that all too clear yesterday.  I’m not here to beg for you back or even accept your apology, I’m here to tell you to fuck off.  Delete my number.  HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE I’M GARBAGE!  How DARE YOU!  It doesn’t matter if you really think I’m just some stupid slut, I’M A SIM, JUST LIKE YOU AND DORY!  Would you talk to Dory like that?  No, of fucking course you wouldn’t.  So you shouldn’t talk to anyone else like that!  You can’t just go around stomping all over people.  This high and mighty shit is GARBAGE!  No one will ever love you if you keep this attitude up; it doesn’t matter how many simoleons you have or what your stupid last name is.  You will never find a woman that meets your standards that is okay with being called TRASH on a regular basis.  Women aren’t here for YOUR needs or fantasies Diesel, we’re here to make a difference and foster in the next generation.  Without women, you’re precious legacy wouldn’t HAVE EVER STARTED!  I just hope that you retain a tiny part of this because I swear to the Watcher, you’re going to die alone and crying into your pillow if you don’t change.

And then she left.  I didn’t get a word in.  She didn’t let me respond or anything.

Just screamed at me in front of my own house and left.

I had no idea what to do…so I went to the gym.

080617_111339am

Dory refused to look at me no matter how hard I tried to get her attention.
I messed up, didn’t I?
Am I really that full of myself?
Joelle was right about some of that stuff though.  I thought we were on the same page…she was there to satisfy my needs and I was there to make her feel better about herself.

I thought it was…like a mutual parasite.  We weren’t happy but we were both benefitting.  I knew she was growing feelings for me but I thought she knew where I stood.

I judged that whole situation wrong.  I judged her wrong.  I think I judged the entire female population wrong.

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Journal,

Joelle really got to me.  I spent all day at the gym yesterday trying to sweat away her words but they just won’t leave me.  She was so right.  I was so mean to her and she didn’t deserve it.  I treated her like dirt.  No, worse than dirt.  I didn’t acknowledge that she has feelings too…that she’s a sim, just like me.

How do I come back from this?
Is this what my mom was so worried about?
Could she tell that I’m a garbage sim and was trying to save me?

I’ve let her down.
Oh god, I’ve let down dad!

————————————–##-##————————————–

Journal,

Today was an interesting day at the gym.

I saw this gorgeous sim today but I was too afraid to walk up to her.
After everything Joelle said…what could I possibly say to this beautiful sim that would show her like I want to get to know her?  That I respect her?  I’m not good enough for her.  I can tell just by looking at her.  She’s…a genie in a bottle.  Not Jafar, like the Robin Williams Genie.  Just a complete gift to simkind.

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She noticed me but…I just can’t.

It’s hard to explain Darcie.

No it’s not Diesel.  You’re a dick, everyone knows it.  You can only change it by making an effort to change yourself.  Ask the girl out.  I’ve never seen her before so she probably doesn’t know who you are just yet.

Is that supposed to make me feel better?

I’m not here to tell you that you’re a damn prince.  Joelle was right.  For being such an outgoing goofball, you act so entitled and like you’re too good for everyone.  You’re on the same playing field as everyone else.

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Darcie and I never really talked growing up, she was so much older than me; but she’s totally right.  The only way to fix my reputation is by making an effort.  I’ll start tomorrow with someone less intimidating.

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Journal,

My plans never really work out, do they?

I went to the gym with the sole purpose of serving drinks all day and getting to know the people in town…but she was there again.

Well isn’t that the best uniform on the planet?  Can I get something sweet please?  You’re choice!

Her voice…it was beautiful.

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Yum!  This is delicious!  What are you doing this shabby bar?  You should be in the hottest clubs, serving up drinks to the rich and famous!

Heh.  Nah, I’m not that good yet.  I’m not even officially certified yet.  My mom built this gym so she lets me break the rules.

You’re breaking rules by serving me this drink?  A man after my own heart!  Take a break and chat.  You can’t even say no either, you’ve just admitted that you aren’t even supposed to be back there.

A good sense of humor too it seems.
Sexy as hell.

NO.  STOP IT DIESEL.  YOU’RE A NEW MAN NOW!  LOOKS DON’T MATTER!

You must be new to town.  I’ve never seen you around before.

Yeah, a bit.  I’m from Windenburg.  My whole family is really.  Name’s Phoebe.

Nice to meet you, I’m Diesel.

Diesel?  That’s an odd name.  Your parents big car buffs?

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Haha, not at all.  My dad was a jack of all trades and my mom is more focused on getting zero body fat.  I think they just picked our names out of a hat.  My two younger sisters have stranger names as well.  I think they only wanted two kids and then when the three of us came, they panicked.  Who wants triplets when they already have two?

Holy shit!  Five kids?!  That’s four too many!

Right?!

We talked for another hour about all sorts of things.  Apparently she knows some really famous German people that I’ve never heard of.  Good for her, right?  I guess her grandfather was in some super famous band and her cousin is a really famous chef.  She even name dropped Hope Forrester.  I doubt she actually knows her though.

There I go, being rude again.  How do I know if she knows her?  I only know the things she’s told me.  I should trust that she’s not lying.  I’ve got to be more trusting.

Except it can be hard sometimes.  I was working out after Phoebe left and these women were all standing in a freaking circle, discussing that “douche Eastman heir” that they voted for.

I would have never voted for him if I knew he was going to be so cruel!

Did you hear what he said to Joelle?

How dare he scream at a pregnant woman like that!

I can’t believe he proposed to her!

Obviously they have no clue what they’re talking about, but they apparently don’t care.

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Did Joelle tell people I proposed to her?  Who knows how these rumors start.

A woman did end up sitting next to me eventually.
She’s gorgeous.
Now that I’m working on realizing women aren’t just objects for me to admire, I can see that most women really are gorgeous; some in more unique ways than others, but beautiful nonetheless.

I’m Avani.

Diesel.

Oh.  You’re Diesel?  Sorry, I didn’t mean to sit here…I’ll move.

NO!  I mean…no you don’t need to go.  I could use some company.

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Hey guys!  Phoebe was “adopted” from CitizensErased14’s sim-lit Ashes to Ashes which, if you haven’t read it…WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!  It’s so amazing!  It’s high-drama so it’s a really long read to catch up, but 100% worth it.  I didn’t think I’d have a chance to bring one of her sims over to my story but here I am!  So thank YOU to CitizenErased14 for this opportunity.  I hope I don’t let you down!

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